From the archive: Originally posted 4/2/1
“I’m an old man trapped in a kid’s body.”
Josh is famous for never complaining about feeling bad – except in “drama” mode. The nurse asked how he felt today, he said: “Old.” The doctor asked how he’s been, he said “Handsome, and smart. And always handsome.”
By the way: I asked to have a cardiology check up scheduled, just in case. Don’t want to leave anything to chance. I told the doctor that I might be just over reacting or regressing back into my “overprotective mother” mode – but things happen that make you second guess yourself. I’ll admit, I’m afraid.
Too many doctors and I’m sure he’ll tell me again that I’m being “paranoid.” But that’s how this tragedy has affected me.
I worry about things that I never used to and I worry more about things that have always frightened me. How people will react to my son has always been a concern. Josh has never had a heart problem, but he does have high cholesterol. We try to correct it with diet changes, but it runs in the family. Is some small voice in the back of my head listening to the critics who say his Down syndrome is “compromising” him? Should I be more worried about possible health issues that could some day make him more ‘susceptible’ to harm by those who would mistreat him?
This is life after January 12th.